60 Pounds GONE!!!

I can't believe it's been a month since I've been on here.  I guess life has been happening and my blog has taken a hit.  This last month has been difficult and could have really used this blog to help me, but didn't take advantage of this great resource. 

I got a fill back on May 9 to bring me to 7.0cc.  My last appointment on June 3 I didn't get a fill which was pretty exciting!  I felt like I was in a good spot...possibly my sweet spot...and begged him not to give me a fill!!!   I was down 11.7 pounds from the following month's visit! 

I felt REALLY tight my first 2 weeks.  I loosened up a little bit and have been much more comfortable.  I was having a hard time getting enough water each day because I had to take such little sips.  I still can't take too big of a drink, but I'm at a much better place now.  I also haven't been getting stuck as much.  I feel like I'm  learning about and understanding my band better....but on some levels I also feel like I'm not eating correctly because I'm scared to eat.  I didn't want to continue to get stuck, so I started eating slider foods (ice cream, chocolate, etc). And not the healthy proteins that I used to be eating.  I'm still losing weight, but I know I'm not making the best choices.  At the end of some days, I feel like I'm just trying to eat to get calories in me because I eat so little during the day.

I'm down to 204.9 as of this morning!!!!  I am so close to ONEDERLAND I can taste it! I'm hoping to get there by July 1.  That's my first goal I've set!  I've just kind of been taking the weight loss as it comes and not getting to hung up on goals and dates and certain number of pounds lost.  I feel like, for myself, that would put too much pressure on me and maybe hurt me more than help me.  So I've just been trying to be happy with what I've lost...however much time it may take.

My 30 sessions of personal training are O.V.E.R!!!!  I loved him and he definitely helped me, but at the same time I was happy when it was over.  I'm positive I will keep myself motivated and continue the gym routine.  I will be in the Hamptons for 2 months without a gym.  So I will have to really motivate myself to get out and run on either the road or the beach and maybe start swimming to switch things up a little bit.  I'm a nanny remember, so don't think its a lovely vacation that I'm going on!  The kids will all be in camp, so that will give me time to work out...and maybe a tan!

I want to thank Lee Ann for nominating me for my FIRST award!  I'm sorry I was away for a while, but thank you for making me feel missed and wanting to hear about my progress!  For some reason I'm not able to make comments right now. ( Don't know what's going on with my computer.)  But wanted to say to say Thanks and I'm going to put it on my blog and do the rules tomorrow night!!

My favorite comment on my weight loss so far was from my 6 year old niece, McKenzie.  I had seen them back in February when they came to visit me in NYC.  I went home to Fargo, ND over Memorial Day weekend for a friend's graduation.  She saw me and kept looking at me kind of funny.  After about 3 minutes she says, "YOU GOT SKINNIER!!!!"  I was sooooooooo thrilled!  I feel like it's one thing for adults to say something nice to you.  Especially if they know you had surgery, sometimes I feel like people say things but don't sincerely mean it.  But when a kid says something, you know its true!  Kids have a funny way of just speaking their minds whether it's nice or not...but they usually call it like they see it!  So I was so happy when she noticed and commented!

I'm going to spend the evening catching up on everyone's blogs.  Can't wait!!!!!  Hope you are all doing well!

Erica

6 month pictures

I can't do side by side comparisons since my older pictures are on my computer....and I can't use my computer until the virus is off.

So you'll just have to scroll down and see my last photos and try to compare...hope it works and you can see any differences there may be!!

50 POUNDS LOST!!!!...and maybe at my sweet spot!?!?l

I wrote that title along with a long post on Tuesday....and my ipad lost it before it was posted.  I was not a happy camper.  My computer has a virus so I tried to use my ipad, but it didn't turn out too well.  My computer still has a virus, but my sister from San Fran is here so I'm able to use her computer to finally post.

When I tried to post on Tuesday I had lost exactly 50 pounds....it's 54 pounds lost as of this morning! (265lbs down to 211lbs) I had a .5cc fill on Monday to bring me to 7.0cc in a 10.0cc band.  I am a little hesitant to day it, but I might be at my sweet spot!!!  I am only able to eat small portions at every meal, need to REALLY follow the "small bites, chew really well" rules or I get stuck.  I've been stuck quite a bit.  If I stay at this level for the next 3 weeks, I will definitely be saying I don't need another fill at my next appointment.

I'm feeling pretty good about my weight loss and my body as it's changing.  It's my 6mo anniversary tomorrow.  I guess I need to update with some pictures.  I will try to do that tonight or this week.

I've been having a little difficulty lately though.  These last few weeks I was between 220-215lbs.  All I kept thinking was how hard I have been working on my eating and in the gym.  Yet the scale is showing 220-215.  That is the weight I hovered around for years and years.  All through high school, college and after college this is where I hovered.  This last year I really gained a lot which put me at my heaviest ever.  But I've been really hard on myself lately.  On one hand, I'm thrilled to say I lost over 50 lbs.  But on the other hand, I'm right back to where I always was!  I hope I can be less hard on myself now that I have broken through the 215 mark and will continue seeing smaller numbers!  I don't want to self-sabotage at this point in my journey.  I'm trying so hard to be positive with how far I've come.  Some days (ok, most days) I'm just beating myself inside.  People try to comment to me on how great I look, but I can't accept the comment.  In my head I'm saying all these negative things.  I'm hoping I can change my thinking and keep moving in the right direction.

I'm still working out with my trainer 2 days a week.  The other 3 days I work out on my own.  My trainer said he wanted me to do interval training (1 min walk and 1 min sprint as fast as I can) on the treadmill rather than just straight running.  So that is what I have done these last couple months.  But last week I wanted to see if I could run for 30 minutes straight...no walking...no stopping.  I DID IT!!!!!  I don't think i've EVER done that before.  I was so happy with myself!  I've been increasing my speed and time and I'm still alive to talk about it!

I booked my room for Chicago!!!!  I am so excited to meet you all!  I've been reading everyone's blogs, but I've been horrible at commenting.  I apologize!

Happy losing!  Keep up the good fight!

Erica

Happy Easter

I can't wait for Easter to be over so all of the jelly beans and Cadbury eggs are out of all the stores!  I'm at a new low of 218.1 lbs, which I'm very excited about...but can't help think of how much less it would be without all the Easter candy!  Oh well, this is life!

Not too much to report.  I had a fill last Monday and I'm now at 6.5cc in my band.  I have pretty good restriction and pretty happy with my weight loss.  Sometimes I still feel like I'm dieting vs. my band doing the work, but I know without the band I would not be at 218! 

I have a question for all of you who have been banded longer....or just know this answer.  I have been wondering what happens if I were to get sick...stomach flu sick or boot camp throwing-up sick!?!?!  I know about the PBing and that's all fine.  But what about if I were to get sick....if it's hard for food to get down, I can't imagine anything coming up can be easy either?  A few times during my hard/boot camp workouts I feel like I'm going to pass out and throw-up.  And then I get nervous.  If anyone has that answer, I would greatly appreciate any feedback.

I'm still in the gym!  I think I'm hooked!  I go Monday - Friday and give myself the weekend off.  I do 2 days a week with my trainer, 1 day of spin, and the other 2 days on the treadmill.  My eating still needs to improve.  I'm having a hard time with my food.  I need to make an appointment with my doctor's nutritionist for a refresher course!  I have a lot of questions now that I FINALLY have restriction. 

Not much else to report.  Hope everyone has a nice Easter weekend!

Erica

5 month photos & measurements

First of all, being away from blogland, made me miss a little Bandster get together in NYC....I was so sad when I was catching up on peoples blogs and saw this.  That's what I get for not being on my blog for a month, I guess.  Hope you all had fun...and I hope I don't miss the next one!

So below are my pictures from right before surgery and then today....5 months post-op.

	Nov. 2, 2010	April 9, 2011
Weight	265.3	224.8	-40.5 lbs lost
Bust	51.5	46.5	-5 inches
Waist	43.5	40.5	-3 inches
Hip	55.0	49.0	-6 inches
Thigh	32.0	29.0	-6 inches (both)
Arm (upper)	17.0	15.0	-4 inches (both)
			24 total in. lost!

I'm back

I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted.  I've been trying to keep up with everyone's blogs, but life sometimes gets in the way.

Not a whole lot has been going on.  That's probably why I haven't wanted to post anything.  It's been pretty slow.  I was very frustrated for a while.  I have been religiously in the gym 5 days a week.  I've been working out with my trainer 2 or 3 times a week.  He point blank told me "I'm not happy with your weight loss."  That was such a blow to the self-esteem.  I'm hard enough on myself...I don't need other people saying they're not happy with my weight loss.  He doesn't understand the band at all.  Which is also frustrating.  He's telling me I need to eat all this food to keep my metabolism up, but I've been trying to restrict myself.  I've read on the blogs that people try to eat about 1000 calories a day with the band.  My band is definitely not at it's "sweet spot" yet and I could eat more like 2000 calories if I allowed myself.  I know my eating hasn't been great lately, but not horrible.  After my trainer made the weight loss comment, he told me that 70% is what you eat and only 30% working out.  He has since told me that 2 more times.  I finally got the hint and I knew it was me and my eating.  I started writing down everything I eat and try to stay at 1000 calories a day.  I'm down 4 pounds this week.  But I'm not suppose to be starving myself am I?  I wish my band would be helping me feel full, so I don't want to eat more and I"m satisfied.  But I feel like I"m on a diet and can only eat 1000 calories.  Yes, the scale is moving, which I'm happy about.  On the other hand though, IF I could force myself to only eat 1000 calories and write everything down and never fall off the wagon, then I wouldn't have needed or wanted the band.  So I'm back to this place of limbo....what do I do?  Do I just give it time and wait for my fills to tell me when I'm full and not be so crazy with counting calories and restricting myself.  OR do I starve and write everything down and count my calories? 

I'm down to 224.8 as of this morning!  I am very happy to be in the 220's.  The scale wasn't budging for a while, but I could definitely feel & see changes in my body.  I stopped looking at the scale, cuz I was going crazy.  But I like what my trainer is doing to me.  He is pushing me and helping me do things that I NEVER thought I could do.  I tried my first spin class this week!  I was very nervous and intimidated.  Everyone told me I'd be fine, but of course I didn't believe them.  It went well.  When the instructor said to be UP, I was up!  I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to keep up with them, but I did it!!!  I don't know if I'm hooked, but maybe soon!

I went to the Bahamas last week for work (I'm a nanny!).  It was so nice to be away from cold, rainy New York City for a while.  It was also nice that I was in some clothes that I definitely was not in last summer!  I got all my summer clothes out and was pretty happy with how things fit.  There were some things that I thought would fit that didn't.  That was a little upsetting, but there were also things I didn't think would fit that did!  So all in all, some good NSV's.  The plane seat was roomier!  I worked out EVERY morning we were there!  Which I have NEVER done on vacation before.  Because after all, it was vacation.  But I know me and I didn't want any excuse to fall off the working-out wagon.  So I was at the gym every morning at 6am and did my workout.

I am going home (to North Dakota) over Memorial Day weekend.  My goal is to be at 200 pounds.  I have almost 2 months.  I may not quite make it, but it's a goal I'm shooting for.  I haven't really set any mini-goals, so I guess this is my first one!  Let's hope I can do it.  NO, I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!!!

I'm planning on taking pictures and measurements this weekend.  I need a photo update.  I'll post some of the Bahamas now!  I'm realizing I have a ton of the 3 girls, but not many of me.  And the ones I do have, don't really show off any changes or weight loss.  Oh well....

Hope you are all doing well.  I finally have nothing really to do this weekend and I'm going to do my best to catch up on everyone's blogs!  Happy losing!!!!

Erica

 

Vest picture

Here is a picture of the vest.  Considering I typically wear all black, I realize its kind of hard to see...but it's zipped!  That's the big thing! 

I took some comparison photos too, but wasn't happy with them.  Really no changes.  I was pretty bummed considering I have been in the gym religiously.  I'm hoping my next fill is really going to help with the food side of things.  I wanted to document what I looked like today...and then after my 4 months of this new trainer kicking my butt!!!  I'm not posting my comparison photos as there is no difference.

Personal Trainer....OUCH!

I've been in the gym now for two months.  I've been doing cardio and recently added weight lifting.  I've been thinking about getting a personal trainer....but down the road.  Didn't feel ready yet.  Well, on Thursday, that changed.  I was doing my workout, minding my own business, was on the LAST set of my LAST machine before I showered.  I felt a tap on my back....and a very cute personal trainer started with his pitch!  He convinced me to do a trial workout.  I freaked out for the next 48 hours, but I am alive to tell you about it!

I just got done working out...and have never been INSTANTLY sore.  I mean, really?!?!?!  We did circuit training and he kicked my ass.  I was dripping with sweat.  It was a good feeling in some ways, but scared me to death in other ways.  I have always had very low self-confidence, low self-esteem, etc.  I don't like looking like a fool anytime, but especially at the gym.  He had me doing jump-jacks....i had to go somewhere else in my mind.  All I could think about was all my fat jumping up and down too.  So I just went somewhere else mentally!

In the end, he convinced me he could really help me.  He wanted to do a 6 month program (yikes), but I said I will be in the Hamptons the months of July & August.  So he said we could do a 4 month program, but a really accelerated program since we only have 4 months (double yikes).  I'm so nervous for the next 4 months of my life.  So $2600 later...I have myself a Personal Trainer named Danny! 

I know it will be good and help me in the long run.  I know it will get easier and easier.  I know it will help me get to my ultimate goal.  But man am I sore!  I was prepared for being sore tomorrow....but it was instant! 

Ok, enough crying about that.

On the weight loss front...the scale didn't really budge this week.  I know my eating wasn't great...so it's my own fault for not hitting the 220's like I had hoped for. 

NSV....I had bought a black puffy vest earlier this fall.  I loved it,  but didn't really fit.  Ok, it didn't fit period.  Didn't zip at all, but figured I could just wear it open and not zip it.  I ended up never wear it in the fall.  Had the tags still on it when I went to put it on this week.  AND IT ZIPPED ALL THE WAY UP AND STILL HAD ROOM!!!  I was so happy! 

I can't wait for more NSV's.  I was much happier about the NSV than when the scale moves.  Don't get me wrong, like when that happens too, but this felt great!

Ok, I have to get on with my Saturday.  Hope everyone had a great week!

Things are happening!!!

I've been away for a while.  Not on some fabulous vacation, just crazy busy & no time to be on my computer.  (mainly because I've been going to bed early so I can leave for the gym at either 5:00 or 5:30...so my blog suffers, but its good for weight loss & gym routine)

I am going to give a quick summary...I just wrote a big post and as I was ready to "publish"...I lost it.  Grrrrr.

After my xray, I had my first fill with my new doctor on Feb 18th.  I thought he had taken everything out of my band, but I was wrong.  I had 3cc in my band, and he added 2cc...so I'm now up to 5.0cc in my 10cc band.  I can feel a little bit of a difference, but not much.  I'm able to eat almost anything and as much as I want.  I am controlling myself, but sweets are still my weakness.

I'm down to 232.5, which means I'm now 32.8 from my highest weight!  I'm hoping to see the 220's by next week!  I'm very excited...I can't remember the last time I've been there.  It's been a while!

My sister, brother-in-law, niece & nephew flew to NYC from South Dakota last weekend!  The kids didn't know they were coming, so they were very surprised!!!  We had a great weekend and packed as much in as we could!  I'll attach some some pictures of the weekend.

NOT Flipped...just severely tilted!

I finally got a call from my doctor.  They said the port is not completely flipped.  It's severely tilted down (towards my feet).  They said I'm always suppose to tell whoever does my fill, to look at the x-ray first so they know the position and tilt of my port.  I'm going to be very positive about this.  It means NO further surgery!!!  She said fills should not be an issue now that they know where it is and how it's tilted.  I'm really hoping she is right.  I can't take be stuck over and over and over again with a needle and get no result.

I'm scheduled for a fill next Friday.  What's another week in the grand scheme of things, right?!?!

On another positive note, while I've been still getting up early in the morning and hitting the gym hard, I haven't noticed changes on myself.  That wasn't the positive thing!!!!  But other peole have been noticing changes and making lots of very nice compliments to me!  I don't take compliments well, but I'm trying.  It feels really nice to know that even though there is NOTHING in my band right now, I'm still in the gym, my eating is not great, but it's ok, and people are noticing changes!

P.S.....I'm so excited that B.O.O.B.S decided to do anothe trip!  I will definitely be in Chicago!  It is 2 days after my 33rd Birthday!  So Happy Birthday to me....I'm going to Chicago!  I can't wait to meet you all!

8 FAILED attempts at a fill

I finally took the band aid off and found 8 needle holes in my stomach!  On the table, I lost count as I was trying to remain conscious and trying to remember to breathe.  I'm not having much luck finding out about flipped ports.  Must not happen too often.  I feel that surgery might be best....if it flipped once and they can move it back in the office, who says it's not going to continue to flip?  So I feel if they go back in surgically, they would be able to stitch it in there better?

I'm such a wreck.  My eating has been HORRIBLE this weekend.  I was all mentally prepared to be on liquids and was totally fine with knowing I was going to be getting a fill and FINALLY moving on with this process with my band.  And then boom....no fill, everything taken out...and another big setback.  GGGGRRRRR.....I just want to scream....and eat.

Thanks for all your cyber hugs and support!  I appreciate it.

New Doctor....and Flipped Port?!?!?!?!

I was so excited to go to the doctor today and meet my new doctor and hopefully get a nice big fill.  The nurse saw me first and was shocked that they only put 1.0cc in my band for my first fill.  The nurse said they typically put 3-4cc's in at the first fill.  It would have taken me about 6 months to get to 4cc.  My old doctor said they put 1.0cc in at the first fill and .5cc at each additional fill until I hit my sweet spot.  I am so happy to be with a more aggressive doctor.  I was so happy at this point in my appointment.

Now the doctor comes in.  He was also shocked that they only put 1.0cc in my band.  So now was the NOT FUN part of my day.  (If you recall my first fill, it took them 3 needles to find my port.  They said it was tilted and I was left with a HUGE black and blue mark on my stomach.  See post dated 12/26/10 to see the picture)  I was a little nervous to see if they could find my port, but was trying to be positive and optimistic.  I can't tell you how many times he stuck me and how long he poked & prodded.  I was almost in tears on the table and also on the verge of passing out again.  I kept catching myself not breathing and being totally tense.  But it hurt like a bitch.  After quite a bit of time and not being able to get it, he says he's not going to continue to try.  He said he thinks my port flipped and I need an abdominal x-ray to see where it is.  I wanted to die right then and there.  He said if it is flipped, they could possibly try to flip it in the office (while the area is numb) or I may have to have surgery to fix it.  I was trying VERY hard to hold in the tears.  I have not had much luck with this surgery.  I'm getting very down and out and don't know how much more I can handle.

I lost it walking out the of the clinic and cried on the phone to my mom,  the whole taxi ride back to work, and for like an hour once I got back to work (I just hid in the bathroom and didn't let the kids see me...luckily there are 2 nanny's!)  I am an absolute wreck.  I'm so nervous to tell my boss.  I feel like they're going to flip out when they find out I may need more surgery.  I'm working late tonight and praying they come home after MANY alcoholic beverages to put them in a good mood!

Has anyone else had a flipped port like this?  I can't recall reading about any, but if you have, please let me know how it turned out for you.  I'm looking forward to my x-ray on either Monday or Tuesday to see what the hell is going on in my stomach...well, actually, what is going on next to my belly button.

It's going to be a big challenge for me now not to go hog wild with my food choices.  I was so excited to get this fill and be on the liquids all weekend.  Now I have NOTHING in my band and I'm completely sad and defeated and just want to eat.  This is going to be a long weekend.......

Hope everyone else has a great weekend!

Picture update

The first pictures are 10 days pre-op and the second pictures are from 2 months post-op.  I said in an earlier post, you can see a little difference if you look REEEEALLLLY close!  I didn't think I was going to notice any changes, so I was pleasantly surprised!  We need to keep going in this direction!

New Doctor!!!!

NYU received all my paperwork and I am all set to see my new doctor!  He is in-network, so everything is covered 100%.  I have to first see their nutritionist and their nurse before I can see the doctor, but that is fine by me!  I will see the nutritionist this Tuesday, Feb 1 and then I will see the nurse and doctor on Friday, Feb 4.  I am so excited that I was able to get in so quickly.  I'm hoping they're a little more aggressive with fills than my old doctor.  I only have 1.0cc in my 10.0cc band.  I know some people start with 2.5cc or more in their band.  I want to get a move on this banding process.  I hope they'll give me a "big" fill.  We shall see!

I'm even more excited that I saw some movement in the scale this morning.  I was hovering at 242-244 for the last couple weeks.  This morning I saw 238.7  HALLELUJAH!  I've been working really hard on my food choices and food portions.  It probably helped a little bit that I've been sick in bed all day Friday & Saturday.  But I'm still going to take this weight loss and be happy about it!

I had some port pain the last week.  It felt a little bit like after my surgery.  When I had to cough, I would have to hold/press my stomach so it wouldn't hurt.  Not sure what that was all about?  It has since gone away on it own. Is this normal?  I haven't had any port pain since right after surgery.  And now 2 months later it all of a sudden came back...for a week....then went away again???  Anyone else experience port pain like this? 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Thank You! & The Ten (Lapband) Commandments

I just wanted to say a quick THANK YOU to all the NY gals that helped me to find a new doctor.  It seems everyone goes to the same practice!  I did research some other doctors, but you guys made it pretty easy.  I'm just waiting for all the paperwork to be transferred over so that I'm able to make an appointment. 

In the meantime, I've had a renewed vigor.  In all my reading and research, I came across "Lapband Ten Commandments" (from Gaspar Rosario @ http://www.accessweightlosscare.com/ )  Number one hit home for me.  I thought the hardest part of this commitment was giving up my beloved Diet Coke (This Friday it will be FOUR MONTHS with NO DIET COKE!!!).  I have been pleasantly surprised by the fact that I don't miss it.  Well, I miss it, but I can live without it.  But I have found myself going back to chocolate, candy, cookies & ice cream.  When I saw that was his NUMBER ONE commandment, I realized that if I want to be successful with my band, I need to conquer Number One!!  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and not self-medicate with sweets.

I've been hitting the gym 4 days a week, getting up early to work out, and I've been feeling good.  But the fact that I'm sabotaging myself by eating all these sweets was driving me crazy.  So when I read the below list, something clicked.  I've been doing really well since then.  It's only been about 4 or 5 days, but that is huge for me.  I need to keep this momentum going.  I did take some 2 month pictures this weekend.  You can see some difference...if you look REEEEAAAAALLLLLY close ;-)   Not too much, but enough to make me know that I'm headed in the right direction.  (I'm having a hard time posting them right now...I will try another night)

Hope these commandments help some of you as well!!!

LAP BAND COMMANDMENTS THY SHALL:

1.  NOT HAVE ICE CREAM OR CHOCOLATE 2.  CHEW WELL AND EAT SLOW 3.  REMAIN ON A LIQUID DIET FOR 2 DAYS, FOLLOWED BY PUREED DIET FOR 2 DAYS AFTER EACH ADJUSTMENT 4.  MAINTAIN A LIQUID DIET FOR 1 TO 2 DAYS, IF YOU VOMIT FOR ANY REASON 5.  MAKE AN APPOINTMENT IF YOU CAN EASILY EAT : o    DOUGHY BREAD, o    STEAK o    WHITE MEAT CHICKEN o    MORE THAN A CUP OF FOOD 6.  ANOTHER APPOINTMENT IF YOU ARE STILL HUNGRY 7.  NOT PANIC, BEING HUNGRY IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. MAKE GOOD FOOD CHOICES UNTIL YOUR NEXT APPOINTMENT 8.  MAKE AN APPOINTMENT EVERY 4 WEEKS FOR THE FIRST YEAR AND GET YOUR ANNUAL ESOPHAGRAM AND LAB WORK 9.  SEE YOUR DOCTOR ON YOUR NEXT APPOINTMENT IF YOU FOLLOWED THE ABOVE COMMANDMENTS AND YOU ARE NOT LOOSING 1-2 LBS / WEEK. 10.           ENJOY SUCCESSFUL WEIGHTLOSS, RESOLVING COMORBIDITIES, AND A HEALTHIER LIFE, IF YOU FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS

Doctor Frustration...can ANYONE recommend a good DR in NYC???

I think I've mentioned before that I live in New York City, but my doctor's main office is in Long Island.  He is suppose to come to the city once a month to do surgeries and fills for his "city" patients.  So I am bound to his schedule no matter what.  The office hours in Long Island are Monday-Friday 9-5....so they say.  But really, they do surgeries Monday & Tuesday and the doctors are out both of those days.  Wednesday they're only there half days.  So really, to get a fill, their office hours are Wednesday from 2-5 and then 9-5 on Thursday and Friday.  This is not very easy to do anything with them.  I went to this doctor because a friend of mine works there.

So I had my first fill on Dec 22. and I've been (not too patiently) waiting for my next fill on Jan 26.  I've been telling people it's next week, how excited I am, hoping I will FINALLY get some restriction and get out of Bandster Hell.  NOPE.  The office called today and said he won't be able to make it to the city next Wednesday.  But he'll be back on Feb 16.  I CAN NOT WAIT THAT LONG.  I HAVE to find a doctor in NYC.

The girl just keeps saying, "but you can come to Long Island."  No, I can't just come to LI.  First of all, most people in the city don't have cars.  So I can't just jump in my car and run to your clinic. (which is AT LEAST an hour away...if there is no traffic).  Secondly, I do have a job.  I can't just up and leave a 2, 4, & 6 year old to fend for themselves.  She just doesn't seem to understand why I can't make it to LI.

For my first fill, I was scheduled at 2pm, thinking I'd be the first patient of the day (since that's what time they start after surgery) and be in and out of there.  I arranged my day around that 2pm appointment.  The morning of my fill they called and said he would still be in surgery and can I come later.  So I am 0 for 2 right now.  I'm not waiting for the 3rd strike to fall and be stressed out about this every month.

I'm out.  I've had enough.  So I am sitting here researching new doctors and practices.  If anyone lives in NYC or knows anyone in NYC that has a good Bariatric doctor, please send along their name and/or details.  I'm hoping this process doesn't take too long, but in the long run it will be for the best.

Thanks in advance for any help you could provide.

Erica

Pictures from Christmas!

A little late, but I figure better now than never.  I'm looking forward to showing these next year in comparison pictures when I've lost weight!  Have to get my POSITIVE THINKING going!

Me with my niece, McKenzie.

Me with my nephew Jackson

My younger sister, Bryna, Jackson, McKenzie & I

My mom is the one in the blue shirt, and my older sister, Kara, in the red shirt

My dad on the left and my brother-in-law,  Jason, on the right



I don't love these pictures of me, but it is what it is.  Now it's up to me in 2011 to change what these photos will look like next year on New Years Eve!  Looking forward to the journey!

Does this get better?

I know the answer is YES...it does get better and easier.  I think I'm still maybe in "bandster hell", because even though I've had one fill, and have had the experience of getting stuck, I have NO restriction at all.  I can eat as much as I want and basically any food that I want.  I just can't take huge bites and I'm good.  I need more help than that.  A lot more help!

My friend asked me what I was doing last night.  I said I was eating something I wasn't suppose to be eating...pizza.  I felt so bad and ashamed.  He puts so much faith and trust in me and thinking I'm being perfect with my eating.  I definitely have NOT been perfect with my food.  In the beginning I was doing very well with my food choices, getting protein first, no carbs, etc.  I have slowly introduced ice cream and candy back into my life.  Not that they were totally gone, but I was doing better with my sweets.  I know many people have said this before on their blogs, that if we could do it on our own, with willpower alone, none of us would have had or needed the surgery.

I feel like I'm letting everyone down.  That I can't even lose weight, cut down portions, cut out sweets, etc. after I've had the surgery.  Most people do not understand the band process, the fills, etc.  They just think I'm suppose to be losing weight and losing it rapidly.  I know I can't give in and have to remember help is coming....my 2nd fill is coming up (Jan 26).  This month has been really hard.

I've been to the gym 4 days/wk for the past 2 weeks.  I feel good about that.  But then I come home at night and blow it with my food choices.  I can't wait for the feeling of restriction.  Please, please give me some restriction!!!  I don't want to keep having these 'failure' feelings.  I know it will happen for me...but this Bandster Hell is, well...H.E.L.L.

Morning workout...check!

I am very happy with myself.  I set the alarm and actually got out of bed, rather than hitting snooze a million times.  I went to the gym, worked out, was happy all day that it was behind me and I could enjoy my evening.  It's my friend's birthday tomorrow so we had dinner tonight together. 

That's all for now!  Just wanted to let you all know that I did it!

I did it...I went the GYM!!!

When I had my first filled (dec 22), my doctor cleared me to workout, no more restrictions.  I knew I wouldn't do anything over Christmas break, but told myself right when I get back I had to hit the gym.  No  more excuses.  I then realized I would be joining every other person with a New Years Resolution to go to the gym and lose weight.  I went and it did feel good, but the gym was soooo busy.  There were literally no lockers available in the women's locker room and no cardio machines available.  It was like the taxi line at the airport.  People standing around staring at nothing, waiting for a machine.  I wanted to leave.  I REALLY wanted to leave.  But I said no, stay, and then you can go home and blog that you worked out 2 days in a row!  Gotta start somewhere, right?!?!?

Just so I don't get discouraged by huge crowds at the gym, I'm heading to bed now, plan on getting up and leaving by 5:30am to be at the gym when it opens at 6am.  That will give me enough time for a good cardio, shower, and then my work is literally steps from the gym.  I'm not really a morning person, but again, if I blog about it, I don't want to let myself down and have to admit to everyone that I hit snooze instead of hit the gym.  So I'm hoping you all hold me accountable!  I'm hoping to start out with 4 days in the gym.  I don't want to go crazy and get bored like I usually do. 

I got stuck on Sunday night.  When will I learn?  I had made meatloaf for my friend.  I had a normal portion and was satisfied.  He then left.  I then went back to the fridge and thought "just a little bite or two more."  I immediately knew I was shoveling it way too fast into my mouth.  I didn't want to get "caught" by my roommates.  Like they would care.  I was eating too fast, not chewing well enough...and then it happened.  I was so mad, disgusted, and disappointed with myself.  I feel like I keep telling myself "the band isn't working, I only have 1cc in my 10cc band.  It can't possibly be working"  And while I'm eating normal portion sizes, not band portion sizes, I do know the band is working.  Otherwise I would not get stuck and have to PB. 

I have to put my faith and trust in the band and remember that this is a slow process.  I'm just dying to feel full after a few bites.  I want that feeling of knowing my band is tight.  I think I'm getting a little impatient.  I have to slow down and remember that I am 22 pounds down.  It is happening...and will continue to happen.  I just need to give it time.

Ok, off to bed!  Tomorrow is going to come way too soon!