16 month comparison pictures!

Here are pictures from 10 days pre-op (Nov 2010) and 16 months post-op (March 2012).

Don't mind the large bandage on my stomach...or the lovely bruise that the nurse gave me while administering a shot!

ps.  I used a new photo editing program and after a few hours and much frustration, I couldn't get the pictures bigger and make them not cut off.  I apologize...but you get the idea!

Measurements:
                    November 2010          March 2012
Weight:            265.3                          188
Bust:                  51.5                            43
Waist:                43.5                            34
Hip:                    55                              44
Thigh:                32                              25
Arm:                  17                              13

Considering the bumps along the way....3 more surgeries after initial Lapband and being completely unfilled for quite a few months....I'm happy with my progress.  There is no way I could have done this on my own.  Not exactly where I wanted to be this far out, but all things considered, I'm thrilled!

Punk'd???

I feel like I'm being Punk'd right now. I called my doctor yesterday saying that I feel the color and texture of the drainage could be an infection. They told me to come in. My surgeon said he was going to remove the drainage tube....and my stitches. I was a big baby about seeing a drainage tube sticking out me. Well, that was NOTHING compared to what it is now.

To remind you, I had my port removed on Thursday. So by no means is my body healed. The doctor said he was going to take the stitches out and "just let it be open." And by open, he means that he basically sliced a 3 to 4inch long, by 1 inch wide gash...COMPLETELY OPEN. I told my boyfriend last night it looks like Grey's Anatomy scene...just not on tv, on my stomach. I have to "pack gauze tightly into the open wound" twice a day for the next week until I go see him again.

I don't do blood and guts well. I mean this is so disgusting and I can't imagine very safe. I have to change the dressing lying down on my bed, with my eyes partially open so that I don't faint and die. I would post a picture....but don't want to gross anyone out.

Speaking of pictures, I took some photos yesterday that I will post later today....after my sponge bath and the changing of my "dressing"!!! No showering or baths with a drainage tube...and now with a large open gash in me. So not only do I feel crappy about the open hole in my stomach and sitting at home unemployed, but I can't even take a nice long shower to feel human.

If at any time someone wants to yell "you've just been Punk'd" and then immediately take me to the ER to have me stitched back up, I would greatly appreciate it!!!

WOW...its been forever!

Well, I see in my last post that I was trying to make it to Italy.  I did make it and had an amazing time.  I am going to try to summarize the last 6 months to catch you up.

In September, a bulge appeared on my incision from the surgery (port revision aug 1, 2011 and emergency exploratory laporscopy on aug 6, 2011).  The doctors ruled out a hernia and decided it was a superficial seroma.  The bulge subsided, however I was then leaking yellowish fluid from my belly button.  After 4 months of my surgeon "watching" it and my belly button still leaking, I went to a different surgeon within the same practice.  She immediately cultured it, which the other doctor didn't do for over 4 months.  The culture came back with Pseduomonas.  An infection that is hard to treat with most antibiotics.  After 2 rounds of antibiotics, and my belly button still leaking, the "new" doctor said I should go back to my original surgeon and decide what the next steps should be.

When I went back to him, he said it "doesn't LOOK infected."  However the other doctor said that the body doesn't just make extra fluid like that.  So my belly button may not be red and inflamed, but the liquid constantly secreting out me was the infection.  Anyway, he doesn't think it's infected, but that my port needs to come out.  He said since I've done so well with my weight loss (I'm down about 80lbs overall), he would give me a choice to have the entire band taken out or just take the port out, let my body heal, and then put the port back in a new place.

I struggled with this decision for multiple reasons.  I knew my employer would not allow me more time for more surgeries.  I've had 3 surgeries within the last year and a half.  This would be my 4th, and if I choose to put the port back in, that would be surgery number 5!!!  But I wasn't ready to give up my band completely.  I don't feel like I could have the control I need to continue losing weight or even just to maintain my weight loss.

After many tears and discussions, I decided to have the port taken out.  Because of sooooo many problems that I've had with my band, most of my family  & friends wanted me to take it out and be done with it.  So I basically went against what everyone told me I should do.  Not only did I feel like I didn't have their support, but I also lost my job because of it.

I'm a nanny.  My boss and I had it out back in December because she found out I had a boyfriend who I have been on and off with for 6 years.  She knew I had a boyfriend, but didn't realize we had been together ON & OFF for 6 years.  She flipped out and it caused a huge argument about my personal life.  Her and her husband also said, "now that we know this set of circumstances (that you have a boyfriend) we feel completely different about your surgery."  So they were now telling me a year after the initial surgery and cheering me along the way, that now that I have a boyfriend, they don't support me.  When I called them 2 weeks ago to say I needed another surgery due to an infection that needs to be taken care, she told me not to come back to work and "don't have any contact with my children."  I have basically raised those 3 little girls for the last 2 1/2 years.  She is now banning me from saying goodbye and ever seeing them again.

So now I'm without a job.....or my port.

I had my port removed on Thursday, March 22.  I currently have a drainage tube sticking out my stomach.  I can't even begin to tell you how disgusting it is.  I've been changing the dressing like I was told, but today the liquid is now yellowish/greenish instead of pink/red like the doctor said it was suppose to be.  So I'm now thinking it's infected again.  The doctor came out of surgery telling me it didn't look like there was any infection.....however he had to basically give me a new belly button because the end of my belly button had basically disintegrated.  But he says there is no infection?????

I'm calling first thing tomorrow morning to tell them the color of the drainage and to get the culture results from my surgery.

I will be living with my band unfilled and no port for an unknown period of time.  Depending on what job I get and how accommodating/understanding they are, I will have my port put back in when it is convenient for everyone.  At least 3 months for my body to heal, but they said I can leave it out for 6 months to a year.

On the weight loss front, since my port revision from this August, I haven't lost a ton.  When I was unfilled at that time, my weight went up.  I got that off and very slowly started losing again.  I'm at about 188lbs.  so I guess that's only a 77lb weight loss.  Earlier I think I jumped the gun and said 80...wishful thinking!

I need to get back on the blog and get the support i need as I'm going to have to live without my band.  AND I REFUSE TO GAIN THIS WEIGHT BACK!!!!

Thanks for making it this far with me and reading my saga!!!

Off to Italy!

Between my 2 surgeries, an earthquake, and now a hurricane...someone is trying to tell me I should not be going to Italy.  But I am determined to get there!  I switched my flight from Sunday at 6pm (right when Hurricane Irene is set to hit NYC) to Saturday at noon.  I'm trying to be very optimistic that I will get out before the storm hits NYC.  After all summer in the Hamptons, my trip home to South Dakota, and now Italy....my summer is coming to an end and reality is going to hit when I get back home!  But i have to say, I'm excited to get home from Italy....because that means I'm only a few days away from getting my band filled again!!!

I'm feeling much better.  Finally.  My staples came out...but not before my wound was infected.  I'm hoping its all smooth sailing from here on out.

Brooke, I have been trying all night to respond to your comment, however I have been unsuccessful.  Please email me at erica.keenaghan@gmail.com and I will respond to you directly.  Sorry about that!  My short answer to your question is YES a million times over!  My comment was much longer, but that was the main message!

Everyone, Brooke just started blogging and is getting banded in a few short days.  Head on over to http://brookegetsbanded.blogspot.com/ to say HI and start following her journey!  Thanks!!!

Erica

Port Revision Surgery & Emergency Surgery....in one week.

WARNING: This is going to be a long one.....

It has been a VERY LONG 2 weeks.  I was all set for my port revision surgery on Monday, August 1.  I was a little nervous, but ready to just have it done.  My left side lower abdominal/pelvic pain had been gone for over 2 weeks, but started coming back on Sunday night right before surgery.  I couldn't believe it.  So I'm suppose to be at the hospital at 8am on Monday morning.  I get there, get checked in...and at about 9:30 the nurse says "we're just looking for the doctor."  I'm like, "what do you mean you're looking for the doctor?"  She says, "well, there were 2 people before you, but one cancelled and one went on Friday.  So you were bumped up to the first person.  But we're not sure if they checked the doctor's schedule."  That ended up being the case...when they bumped me up to 8am Monday, they didn't realize the doctor is in the office seeing patients all Monday morning and no one bothered checking his schedule.  So I sat until about 2:00pm before the doctor came running through the door.  He was NOT happy with them that they scheduled me so early cuz that's his schedule EVERY Monday.

Anyway...after all of that sitting around, I finally had surgery and home by about 7:00pm.  Woke up Tuesday in quite a bit of pain.  Tuesday & Wednesday were pretty rough.  Thursday I had an appointment with a Gastroentologist for my left side pain...which gradually was getting worse through the week.  It was actually really bad by the time I saw him Thursday.  He made me get another CT scan without contrast this time.  The CT scan I had 3 weeks prior to that, was with contrast.  So I had to have blood & urine tests and then sit and drink that nasty barium sulfate AGAIN.  I was not happy because my original prescription was written for a "CT Scan with and without contrast".  But when I got to the radiology place, the radiologist calls my primary doctor and convinces them to change my prescription to only with contrast.  If they would have done it the first time, like ordered, I wouldn't be doing this all over again.  So I went to this dr appt Thursday morning thinking I would be there for a quick appointment.  It was the first time I left the house since surgery, was by myself, no pain medicine with me, and in SOOOO much pain.  I ended up being at the hospital from 10am - 4:30pm.  I was dying I was so tired & in pain.

Friday morning I call to get the CT scan results.  They say everything looks great on the scan, they have no idea what the pain is, where its coming from, and what to do with me next.  He says "call your Lapband doctor."  My Lapband doctor didn't get back to me Friday.  By Friday night, my left side pain was so bad I couldn't take it anymore. I text my sister & boyfriend and said I was going to the Emergency Room.  The pain was out of control.  They gave me a shot of something...which finally kicked in after about an hour and a half.  And then morphine.  I was finally able to be comfortable and not in so much pain.  They decided to admit me and I send me for surgery Saturday.

My Lapband doctor was at the hospital Friday night (not sure if still there from the day or was on call & came back....but when he walked into the ER at 11:30pm, I was shocked).  I have to say, he seemed annoyed that I was there.  He said, we've done every test we can and we don't see anything.  He was like, I don't know what to tell you.  I got pretty upset at this point.  I was crying, I was in so much pain and said (in a very stern voice, but not yelling) "I'm in so much pain, I can't function and do normal daily things with this pain.  You're the doctor.  YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING.  I can't live with this pain."  He looked at the CT scan again, said the tubing from the port to the band does wind down into the lower left quadrant and said maybe it was looped around some intestine or fat and it's pulling causing pain.  He said we could go in surgically and do an exploratory surgery.  So that's what happened.

I was admitted and Saturday afternoon had surgery.  They had no idea what they were looking for and it was a complete shot in the dark.  I woke up in horrible pain.  I was in the hospital until Monday because they couldn't get the pain under control.  My pain was at a 10 all day Sunday.  Nothing would work.  I just wanted to cry my eyes out, but crying hurt SOOOO bad.  It was miserable.  They wanted to send me home and I begged to stay.  I couldn't go home like that...so they let me stay until Monday afternoon.  When they went inside for the surgery, they said the tube wasn't looped around anything, but that I had a LOT of Scar Tissue or Adhesion's.  He said he cut out a ton of Scar Tissue and hopes this was the problem.  If not I'm "fired" as his patient and that he's "waving the white flag".  I love when people try to be funny where you're in sooo much pain you can hardly breathe.

With my original Lapband

I've basically been in my apartment for 2 weeks now recovering from these 2 surgeries.  It has been so painful physically but also mentally & emotionally.  I hurt, I feel ugly, I only have 3.0cc in my band and that makes me upset & angry, I feel so lonely sitting here all day by myself...the list just goes on.  I will say, my boyfriend has been amazing.  He took the day off work on Monday for my port revision surgery, comes every day after work & school (he works from 8am-5pm & then is going back to school from 6-10pm), sat in the hospital & ER all weekend with me, comes daily to check on me and bring me things, and has just been amazing!!!  He has really stepped up to the plate and helped me out a ton.  But my days have been very long and lonely.  So I just sit here and have these horrible thoughts about my weight-loss stall, the surgeries, the incisions, etc.

Today has been kind of a turning point I feel.  This is definitely the best I have felt.  I have been able to be up more and walking around.  I went to the store, my post-op appointment and feel pretty good.  I just need to be able to get on a plane on Sunday and feel ok.  My trip home to South Dakota to see my family is this Sunday.  I need to get out of NYC and have a break.  Away from my apartment, away from work, away from all these doctors, etc.

Sorry this got so long....and if you're still reading...THANK YOU!!!! 

Surgery & Challenge Update

Let me start by saying this has been the most difficult week since being banded on Nov 16, 2010.  Having my band completely unfilled has been the worst thing that could have happened.  I have immediately gone back to all my old eating habits...bingeing, hiding food, eating tons of sweets, breads, etc.  I was good for about 3 days...all of your comments were so nice & helpful (weighing/measuring my food, working out, etc.) but it all went down hill very quickly.  I talked to my therapist on Thursday...when I say talk, I mean cry.  I basically cried & freaked out to her the entire session.  I explained how stressful this has been.  With nothing in my band I have completely gone off the deep end.  When I got to the Hamptons for work, my boss put me right over the edge and the bingeing began.  I feel horrible and knowing that I was going to have to weigh-in for the Challenge on Sunday was really stressful.  My therapist and I agreed that right now is not the time to be weighing in and beating myself up over gaining weight.  I haven't weighed myself this week, but can definitely feel I've gained.  I know that weighing & reporting my weight (gain or loss) can hold me accountable and for some it would help keep them on track.  Not me.  It's making me a disaster.  So I am gracefully pulling myself out of the Back to Basic Challenge.

As I've been eating my way through the week, I've switched around my summer plans.  Rather than wait until Aug 19 to have my port revision surgery, I rescheduled my vacation to see my family.  I couldn't fathom having my band unfilled for well over a month.  So I made sure with my work schedule and my family's schedule that I could get my pre-op doctor appointments, insurance approval, pre-testing, etc in time for me to have the surgery Aug 1.  And then go home the week of August 15.  So far everything has worked out perfectly.  I was cleared by insurance on Wednesday, cleared by my primary doctor on Friday, have an 8am pre-testing appointment this Monday before I go back out to the Hamptons for the week, and then scheduled for surgery Monday, August 1.  I will be off that whole first week of August and can recover.  It also gives me 4 full weeks before I go to Italy.  So in case I have any issues/complications with surgery, I will be in the US!  I know it's suppose to be a 20 minute procedure, local anesthesia, and a 1-2 day recovery time, but with my original Lapband surgery, the 3-4 day recovery time took me a FULL 2 weeks.  So at least I have some buffer time before going back to work!

For anyone who has had port revision surgery, or for people who have had their bands completely unfilled, what is your experience with filling the band back up?  I'm freaking out (on top of everything else...) that they're only going to put like 2-3cc in my band and I'm going to have to start all over and it take MONTHS & MONTHS to get back to my good restriction level.  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE tell me that they're able to put more in the band than the original surgery.  I'm not expecting to go right back to 7.0cc where I had great restriction, but I'm hoping to start around 5 or 6cc.  Am I completely crazy and going to be disappointed?  If you can give me any indication as to what to expect, I would be very appreciative.

Thanks!!!!  And Good Luck to every else who is doing the Challenge....and sticking with it no matter what.  I need to just stop crying and eating and freaking out....then I'll join the next challenge.

Erica

Completely empty band....freaking out!!!

So I was able to get back into NYC and see my doctor today. I was officially down 8.3lbs from last week. They had a very hard time accessing my port again. After much pushing & prodding with fingers & needles, they were able to access my port! Hallelujah !!! Once he was able to get it, he decided last minute to take ALL fluid out of my band. Originally they were going to take out 2.5cc to bring me to 5.0cc for my endoscopy. In order for the camera to fit into my stomach, they thought I needed some fluid out. So I was happy with 5.0cc, because I knew I would be able to eat & drink. So when he all of a sudden said "I'm just taking it all out" quite a few things went thru my head:
1)Yippee!!!
2)Crap...I don't have willpower
3)I can eat & drink anything (started dreaming about chugging gallons of water, but also hamburgers WITH bun, salad, etc)
4)I'm going to wake up tomorrow and gain all 73 pounds back

I'm really struggling with the positives & negatives of this unfill. Because of my traveling work schedule, I could potentially be unfilled for at least a solid month if not much more. I know it's been done before and I'm not going to suddenly be 265lbs again....but man it is really messing with my head. The panic I feel of having to diet & exercise on my own. We all say the band is one tool, but I feel like I rely on mine way too much.

For those of you doing the Back to Basic Challenge, I know this week may be unfair with my 8lb weight loss, but by the end of the challenge it will even out considering I have NOTHING in band from now until....who knows when.

Hope...I would be more than happy to tell you what they're telling me with my pain. For some reason I can't findyour blog. Please email me at Erica.Keenaghan@gmail.com or leave me a comment with your blog name so I can respond to you! Thanks!

What a surprise!

Thank you Drazil for featuring me today on BOOBS!!!

Thank you all for your sweet comments & encouragement!

I've really been struggling this week. I had a fill on Friday and haven't been able to eat much of anything. I can get some liquids down, but it is not nearly enough. Also can't get in for an unfill because I'm in the Hamptons Monday-Friday for work. Im trying to get home early tomorrow and have some taken out. I have lost over 8lbs in the last 6 days. Yes I love the weight loss, but I know this is not healthy. I have no energy and when I do workout I feel sick & nauseous for about and hour or 2 after my workout. I need to have some taken out as soon as possible.

I think I'm going to have the revisional port surgery. My port is very mobile and pointing towards my feet at a very severe angle. They keep reassuring me it's a quick procedure (20 min) and I'm only under local anesthesia. My concern is I'm not suppose to lift after the surgery....and I'm suppose to go to Italy the following week. Do I post-pone the surgery or go & hope the Italian men like an American girl & help me with my bags!?!?

The pain on my lower left side is still being diagnosed. My urgent care doctor is waiting to talk to my lap band doctor. They think there is a lot of scar tissue near my band and all through my abdomen causing this pain!?!?!?! They want more tests & an endoscopy to see what's going on and make sure everything is ok with my band. So I may push port surgery off in case they need to do any other surgery and get it all taken care of in one surgery vs two. That way I would have no issues going to Italy, too!!!

We'll see what they say. I just hope they get it figured out sooner rather than later. As of today I'm down to 192 for a total of 73 pounds!!!! So happy!!!!

Take care and again thanks for the shout out on BOOBS!!! Can't wait to see you all in Chicago!

Erica

Early 8 month pictures!

Since I'm getting ready to be in the Hamptons the rest of the summer, I figured I would take my 8 month pictures a little early and post them while I'm home.  I also took some extra pictures that were NOT these lovely black shorts & tank top!  I'm sure you're all as sick of it as I am!  I'm slowly trying to get out of my all black wardrobe and wearing a little color!  I take pictures of the kids all the time, but always make sure I'm not in them.  So you'll have to suffer with me posing in my bedroom!

 These are my size 24 "fat pants"!  They are the biggest pants I had and the only pair I have kept.  Everything else has been purged.  I put these on a few weeks ago in one of my cleaning binges and couldn't believe how big they were!  I've tried them on for a few friends and family members and none of them could hide their shock!  What a great feeling! They felt bad when their jaw hit the floor, but I loved the reactions! I can almost get both legs in one pant leg!  Give me another couple months!

So, from size 24....to my first size 14 in as long as I can remember!  I went this week with my sister trying to find a good pair of white pants for the summer.  I kept ordering online, but always getting size 16 & 18.  None of them were fitting.  I went to the store and thought, "what the heck, let me just TRY a 14."  Almost passed out when the first of all, went over my hips, and then secondly, when they zipped and they weren't too tight!



My favorite SKINNY jeans!  I was always against skinny jeans....and now these are the only jeans I wear!   Go figure!  They are the Rock Star Jeggings from Old Navy.  I absolutely love them.  And they're so cheap I don't care that I may only wear them a few weeks/months before I get rid of them.  At one point they were on sale for like $20 (reg $40) so I bought blue & black in the next 2 sizes down!!!  I have gotten many compliments on them.  Was VERY hesitant at first, but I said what the heck!

I'll be reading everyone's blogs in the Hamptons, but probably not a lot of time to respond.  But definitely reading!!!

Erica

My First Challenge!!!

I have yet to hit Onederland...cue tears.  It's no one's fault but my own.  I am nervous to do this challenge, but also excited.  I'm hoping this is what it takes to push me over the edge to see 199.  I saw 200.5lbs this week....but 201.9 today.  I'm starting my challenge with 201.9 and can't wait to see the scale move down!

This week was so tough.  I've been having this horrible pain in my lower left stomach.  I was at 3 doctors this week, and no one seems to know what it is or could possibly be.  This is so frustrating.  One doctor sent me for an ultrasound.  Another said, you should go see your primary dr.  And the 3rd sent me home with an prescription for a CT scan.  I've been doubled over in pain and tears.  Hopefully I'll figure it out this week.  What a way to spend my week off....going doctor to doctor!

Technology has not been my friend lately.  I dropped my phone in the water while getting a pedicure.  I say it was karma cuz I was getting a pedicure while working (to clarify...I'm a nanny.  We drop the girls off at school and both nannies have 2 hours to do what we please until pick-up.  But I always feel guilty....and now karma got me!)  So my phone was a complete loss.  Got a "new" refurbished phone through insurance that ALSO didn't work.  SOOOOO frustrating.  I'm now waiting on my NEW, NEW phone.  I complained until they said they would send me a NEW phone vs a crappy refurbished phone.  My computer keeps freezing on me since my virus, I usually can't reply on people's blogs, and when I can it comes up with no picture and says Anonymous.  I'm ready to throw my blackberry, computer, ipad, ipod and anything else that can freeze and cause me frustration out my 28th floor window!

Back to weight loss.  My doctor cancelled on me for my appt on Friday, but was able to get into someone else in the practice.  Unfortunately, due to my very tilted port, she was not able to access it for a fill.  I once again felt like a pin cushion.  She tried about 5 times.  Brought in a Nurse Practitioner and he also couldn't get it.  They are now making me go for ANOTHER x-ray to see if my port has turned/flipped even more.  My regular doctor gets it on the first try every time, but no one else can seem to get it.  And he's out again this week...and then I'm in the Hamptons for work the rest of the summer.  So I'm getting an x-ray on Tuesday and then seeing a different NP and will hopefully get a fill on Friday.

I was down 7 lbs from my visit a month ago.  I know I have been pretty loose and was definitely excited for a fill.  Fingers crossed for Friday!  My food choices have been less than ideal.  I'm eating way too much junk food again.  The working out on my own (froze gym membership for the summer since I'll be in the Hamptons & done with the trainer) has not gone as planned.  I ran 2 days this week, but that's all.  I was feeling guilty about it....but at the same time this pain in my stomach has been so bad.  I don't want to use it as an excuse, and I did run through the pain those 2 days I did run, but at the same time when I'm doubled over in pain and crying every day due to the pain....working out was the last thing I want to do. 

This Challenge has come at the perfect time!  No more excuses, no more junk food (ok, lets be realistic....cut down drastically on the junk food) and just follow the band rules and I'll be doing well.  Good Luck to everyone in the Challenge.  Can't wait to hear the result in Chicago!

Erica

60 Pounds GONE!!!

I can't believe it's been a month since I've been on here.  I guess life has been happening and my blog has taken a hit.  This last month has been difficult and could have really used this blog to help me, but didn't take advantage of this great resource. 

I got a fill back on May 9 to bring me to 7.0cc.  My last appointment on June 3 I didn't get a fill which was pretty exciting!  I felt like I was in a good spot...possibly my sweet spot...and begged him not to give me a fill!!!   I was down 11.7 pounds from the following month's visit! 

I felt REALLY tight my first 2 weeks.  I loosened up a little bit and have been much more comfortable.  I was having a hard time getting enough water each day because I had to take such little sips.  I still can't take too big of a drink, but I'm at a much better place now.  I also haven't been getting stuck as much.  I feel like I'm  learning about and understanding my band better....but on some levels I also feel like I'm not eating correctly because I'm scared to eat.  I didn't want to continue to get stuck, so I started eating slider foods (ice cream, chocolate, etc). And not the healthy proteins that I used to be eating.  I'm still losing weight, but I know I'm not making the best choices.  At the end of some days, I feel like I'm just trying to eat to get calories in me because I eat so little during the day.

I'm down to 204.9 as of this morning!!!!  I am so close to ONEDERLAND I can taste it! I'm hoping to get there by July 1.  That's my first goal I've set!  I've just kind of been taking the weight loss as it comes and not getting to hung up on goals and dates and certain number of pounds lost.  I feel like, for myself, that would put too much pressure on me and maybe hurt me more than help me.  So I've just been trying to be happy with what I've lost...however much time it may take.

My 30 sessions of personal training are O.V.E.R!!!!  I loved him and he definitely helped me, but at the same time I was happy when it was over.  I'm positive I will keep myself motivated and continue the gym routine.  I will be in the Hamptons for 2 months without a gym.  So I will have to really motivate myself to get out and run on either the road or the beach and maybe start swimming to switch things up a little bit.  I'm a nanny remember, so don't think its a lovely vacation that I'm going on!  The kids will all be in camp, so that will give me time to work out...and maybe a tan!

I want to thank Lee Ann for nominating me for my FIRST award!  I'm sorry I was away for a while, but thank you for making me feel missed and wanting to hear about my progress!  For some reason I'm not able to make comments right now. ( Don't know what's going on with my computer.)  But wanted to say to say Thanks and I'm going to put it on my blog and do the rules tomorrow night!!

My favorite comment on my weight loss so far was from my 6 year old niece, McKenzie.  I had seen them back in February when they came to visit me in NYC.  I went home to Fargo, ND over Memorial Day weekend for a friend's graduation.  She saw me and kept looking at me kind of funny.  After about 3 minutes she says, "YOU GOT SKINNIER!!!!"  I was sooooooooo thrilled!  I feel like it's one thing for adults to say something nice to you.  Especially if they know you had surgery, sometimes I feel like people say things but don't sincerely mean it.  But when a kid says something, you know its true!  Kids have a funny way of just speaking their minds whether it's nice or not...but they usually call it like they see it!  So I was so happy when she noticed and commented!

I'm going to spend the evening catching up on everyone's blogs.  Can't wait!!!!!  Hope you are all doing well!

Erica

6 month pictures

I can't do side by side comparisons since my older pictures are on my computer....and I can't use my computer until the virus is off.

So you'll just have to scroll down and see my last photos and try to compare...hope it works and you can see any differences there may be!!

50 POUNDS LOST!!!!...and maybe at my sweet spot!?!?l

I wrote that title along with a long post on Tuesday....and my ipad lost it before it was posted.  I was not a happy camper.  My computer has a virus so I tried to use my ipad, but it didn't turn out too well.  My computer still has a virus, but my sister from San Fran is here so I'm able to use her computer to finally post.

When I tried to post on Tuesday I had lost exactly 50 pounds....it's 54 pounds lost as of this morning! (265lbs down to 211lbs) I had a .5cc fill on Monday to bring me to 7.0cc in a 10.0cc band.  I am a little hesitant to day it, but I might be at my sweet spot!!!  I am only able to eat small portions at every meal, need to REALLY follow the "small bites, chew really well" rules or I get stuck.  I've been stuck quite a bit.  If I stay at this level for the next 3 weeks, I will definitely be saying I don't need another fill at my next appointment.

I'm feeling pretty good about my weight loss and my body as it's changing.  It's my 6mo anniversary tomorrow.  I guess I need to update with some pictures.  I will try to do that tonight or this week.

I've been having a little difficulty lately though.  These last few weeks I was between 220-215lbs.  All I kept thinking was how hard I have been working on my eating and in the gym.  Yet the scale is showing 220-215.  That is the weight I hovered around for years and years.  All through high school, college and after college this is where I hovered.  This last year I really gained a lot which put me at my heaviest ever.  But I've been really hard on myself lately.  On one hand, I'm thrilled to say I lost over 50 lbs.  But on the other hand, I'm right back to where I always was!  I hope I can be less hard on myself now that I have broken through the 215 mark and will continue seeing smaller numbers!  I don't want to self-sabotage at this point in my journey.  I'm trying so hard to be positive with how far I've come.  Some days (ok, most days) I'm just beating myself inside.  People try to comment to me on how great I look, but I can't accept the comment.  In my head I'm saying all these negative things.  I'm hoping I can change my thinking and keep moving in the right direction.

I'm still working out with my trainer 2 days a week.  The other 3 days I work out on my own.  My trainer said he wanted me to do interval training (1 min walk and 1 min sprint as fast as I can) on the treadmill rather than just straight running.  So that is what I have done these last couple months.  But last week I wanted to see if I could run for 30 minutes straight...no walking...no stopping.  I DID IT!!!!!  I don't think i've EVER done that before.  I was so happy with myself!  I've been increasing my speed and time and I'm still alive to talk about it!

I booked my room for Chicago!!!!  I am so excited to meet you all!  I've been reading everyone's blogs, but I've been horrible at commenting.  I apologize!

Happy losing!  Keep up the good fight!

Erica

Happy Easter

I can't wait for Easter to be over so all of the jelly beans and Cadbury eggs are out of all the stores!  I'm at a new low of 218.1 lbs, which I'm very excited about...but can't help think of how much less it would be without all the Easter candy!  Oh well, this is life!

Not too much to report.  I had a fill last Monday and I'm now at 6.5cc in my band.  I have pretty good restriction and pretty happy with my weight loss.  Sometimes I still feel like I'm dieting vs. my band doing the work, but I know without the band I would not be at 218! 

I have a question for all of you who have been banded longer....or just know this answer.  I have been wondering what happens if I were to get sick...stomach flu sick or boot camp throwing-up sick!?!?!  I know about the PBing and that's all fine.  But what about if I were to get sick....if it's hard for food to get down, I can't imagine anything coming up can be easy either?  A few times during my hard/boot camp workouts I feel like I'm going to pass out and throw-up.  And then I get nervous.  If anyone has that answer, I would greatly appreciate any feedback.

I'm still in the gym!  I think I'm hooked!  I go Monday - Friday and give myself the weekend off.  I do 2 days a week with my trainer, 1 day of spin, and the other 2 days on the treadmill.  My eating still needs to improve.  I'm having a hard time with my food.  I need to make an appointment with my doctor's nutritionist for a refresher course!  I have a lot of questions now that I FINALLY have restriction. 

Not much else to report.  Hope everyone has a nice Easter weekend!

Erica

5 month photos & measurements

First of all, being away from blogland, made me miss a little Bandster get together in NYC....I was so sad when I was catching up on peoples blogs and saw this.  That's what I get for not being on my blog for a month, I guess.  Hope you all had fun...and I hope I don't miss the next one!

So below are my pictures from right before surgery and then today....5 months post-op.

	Nov. 2, 2010	April 9, 2011
Weight	265.3	224.8	-40.5 lbs lost
Bust	51.5	46.5	-5 inches
Waist	43.5	40.5	-3 inches
Hip	55.0	49.0	-6 inches
Thigh	32.0	29.0	-6 inches (both)
Arm (upper)	17.0	15.0	-4 inches (both)
			24 total in. lost!

I'm back

I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted.  I've been trying to keep up with everyone's blogs, but life sometimes gets in the way.

Not a whole lot has been going on.  That's probably why I haven't wanted to post anything.  It's been pretty slow.  I was very frustrated for a while.  I have been religiously in the gym 5 days a week.  I've been working out with my trainer 2 or 3 times a week.  He point blank told me "I'm not happy with your weight loss."  That was such a blow to the self-esteem.  I'm hard enough on myself...I don't need other people saying they're not happy with my weight loss.  He doesn't understand the band at all.  Which is also frustrating.  He's telling me I need to eat all this food to keep my metabolism up, but I've been trying to restrict myself.  I've read on the blogs that people try to eat about 1000 calories a day with the band.  My band is definitely not at it's "sweet spot" yet and I could eat more like 2000 calories if I allowed myself.  I know my eating hasn't been great lately, but not horrible.  After my trainer made the weight loss comment, he told me that 70% is what you eat and only 30% working out.  He has since told me that 2 more times.  I finally got the hint and I knew it was me and my eating.  I started writing down everything I eat and try to stay at 1000 calories a day.  I'm down 4 pounds this week.  But I'm not suppose to be starving myself am I?  I wish my band would be helping me feel full, so I don't want to eat more and I"m satisfied.  But I feel like I"m on a diet and can only eat 1000 calories.  Yes, the scale is moving, which I'm happy about.  On the other hand though, IF I could force myself to only eat 1000 calories and write everything down and never fall off the wagon, then I wouldn't have needed or wanted the band.  So I'm back to this place of limbo....what do I do?  Do I just give it time and wait for my fills to tell me when I'm full and not be so crazy with counting calories and restricting myself.  OR do I starve and write everything down and count my calories? 

I'm down to 224.8 as of this morning!  I am very happy to be in the 220's.  The scale wasn't budging for a while, but I could definitely feel & see changes in my body.  I stopped looking at the scale, cuz I was going crazy.  But I like what my trainer is doing to me.  He is pushing me and helping me do things that I NEVER thought I could do.  I tried my first spin class this week!  I was very nervous and intimidated.  Everyone told me I'd be fine, but of course I didn't believe them.  It went well.  When the instructor said to be UP, I was up!  I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to keep up with them, but I did it!!!  I don't know if I'm hooked, but maybe soon!

I went to the Bahamas last week for work (I'm a nanny!).  It was so nice to be away from cold, rainy New York City for a while.  It was also nice that I was in some clothes that I definitely was not in last summer!  I got all my summer clothes out and was pretty happy with how things fit.  There were some things that I thought would fit that didn't.  That was a little upsetting, but there were also things I didn't think would fit that did!  So all in all, some good NSV's.  The plane seat was roomier!  I worked out EVERY morning we were there!  Which I have NEVER done on vacation before.  Because after all, it was vacation.  But I know me and I didn't want any excuse to fall off the working-out wagon.  So I was at the gym every morning at 6am and did my workout.

I am going home (to North Dakota) over Memorial Day weekend.  My goal is to be at 200 pounds.  I have almost 2 months.  I may not quite make it, but it's a goal I'm shooting for.  I haven't really set any mini-goals, so I guess this is my first one!  Let's hope I can do it.  NO, I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!!!

I'm planning on taking pictures and measurements this weekend.  I need a photo update.  I'll post some of the Bahamas now!  I'm realizing I have a ton of the 3 girls, but not many of me.  And the ones I do have, don't really show off any changes or weight loss.  Oh well....

Hope you are all doing well.  I finally have nothing really to do this weekend and I'm going to do my best to catch up on everyone's blogs!  Happy losing!!!!

Erica

 

Vest picture

Here is a picture of the vest.  Considering I typically wear all black, I realize its kind of hard to see...but it's zipped!  That's the big thing! 

I took some comparison photos too, but wasn't happy with them.  Really no changes.  I was pretty bummed considering I have been in the gym religiously.  I'm hoping my next fill is really going to help with the food side of things.  I wanted to document what I looked like today...and then after my 4 months of this new trainer kicking my butt!!!  I'm not posting my comparison photos as there is no difference.

Personal Trainer....OUCH!

I've been in the gym now for two months.  I've been doing cardio and recently added weight lifting.  I've been thinking about getting a personal trainer....but down the road.  Didn't feel ready yet.  Well, on Thursday, that changed.  I was doing my workout, minding my own business, was on the LAST set of my LAST machine before I showered.  I felt a tap on my back....and a very cute personal trainer started with his pitch!  He convinced me to do a trial workout.  I freaked out for the next 48 hours, but I am alive to tell you about it!

I just got done working out...and have never been INSTANTLY sore.  I mean, really?!?!?!  We did circuit training and he kicked my ass.  I was dripping with sweat.  It was a good feeling in some ways, but scared me to death in other ways.  I have always had very low self-confidence, low self-esteem, etc.  I don't like looking like a fool anytime, but especially at the gym.  He had me doing jump-jacks....i had to go somewhere else in my mind.  All I could think about was all my fat jumping up and down too.  So I just went somewhere else mentally!

In the end, he convinced me he could really help me.  He wanted to do a 6 month program (yikes), but I said I will be in the Hamptons the months of July & August.  So he said we could do a 4 month program, but a really accelerated program since we only have 4 months (double yikes).  I'm so nervous for the next 4 months of my life.  So $2600 later...I have myself a Personal Trainer named Danny! 

I know it will be good and help me in the long run.  I know it will get easier and easier.  I know it will help me get to my ultimate goal.  But man am I sore!  I was prepared for being sore tomorrow....but it was instant! 

Ok, enough crying about that.

On the weight loss front...the scale didn't really budge this week.  I know my eating wasn't great...so it's my own fault for not hitting the 220's like I had hoped for. 

NSV....I had bought a black puffy vest earlier this fall.  I loved it,  but didn't really fit.  Ok, it didn't fit period.  Didn't zip at all, but figured I could just wear it open and not zip it.  I ended up never wear it in the fall.  Had the tags still on it when I went to put it on this week.  AND IT ZIPPED ALL THE WAY UP AND STILL HAD ROOM!!!  I was so happy! 

I can't wait for more NSV's.  I was much happier about the NSV than when the scale moves.  Don't get me wrong, like when that happens too, but this felt great!

Ok, I have to get on with my Saturday.  Hope everyone had a great week!

Things are happening!!!

I've been away for a while.  Not on some fabulous vacation, just crazy busy & no time to be on my computer.  (mainly because I've been going to bed early so I can leave for the gym at either 5:00 or 5:30...so my blog suffers, but its good for weight loss & gym routine)

I am going to give a quick summary...I just wrote a big post and as I was ready to "publish"...I lost it.  Grrrrr.

After my xray, I had my first fill with my new doctor on Feb 18th.  I thought he had taken everything out of my band, but I was wrong.  I had 3cc in my band, and he added 2cc...so I'm now up to 5.0cc in my 10cc band.  I can feel a little bit of a difference, but not much.  I'm able to eat almost anything and as much as I want.  I am controlling myself, but sweets are still my weakness.

I'm down to 232.5, which means I'm now 32.8 from my highest weight!  I'm hoping to see the 220's by next week!  I'm very excited...I can't remember the last time I've been there.  It's been a while!

My sister, brother-in-law, niece & nephew flew to NYC from South Dakota last weekend!  The kids didn't know they were coming, so they were very surprised!!!  We had a great weekend and packed as much in as we could!  I'll attach some some pictures of the weekend.

NOT Flipped...just severely tilted!

I finally got a call from my doctor.  They said the port is not completely flipped.  It's severely tilted down (towards my feet).  They said I'm always suppose to tell whoever does my fill, to look at the x-ray first so they know the position and tilt of my port.  I'm going to be very positive about this.  It means NO further surgery!!!  She said fills should not be an issue now that they know where it is and how it's tilted.  I'm really hoping she is right.  I can't take be stuck over and over and over again with a needle and get no result.

I'm scheduled for a fill next Friday.  What's another week in the grand scheme of things, right?!?!

On another positive note, while I've been still getting up early in the morning and hitting the gym hard, I haven't noticed changes on myself.  That wasn't the positive thing!!!!  But other peole have been noticing changes and making lots of very nice compliments to me!  I don't take compliments well, but I'm trying.  It feels really nice to know that even though there is NOTHING in my band right now, I'm still in the gym, my eating is not great, but it's ok, and people are noticing changes!

P.S.....I'm so excited that B.O.O.B.S decided to do anothe trip!  I will definitely be in Chicago!  It is 2 days after my 33rd Birthday!  So Happy Birthday to me....I'm going to Chicago!  I can't wait to meet you all!